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In the second of our posts on improving your screenwriting style we’re going to take a look at a few examples from popular screenplays. We’re going to take a scene from a famous film, write an “uninspired” version of the scene description, followed by the actual scene description in the screenplay. Seeing both side by side really helps see the difference in flat, uninspired writing and image-driven professional writing.

So, let’s get started with an example from one of our favorite films, Sideways.

A less skilled writer would write the following scene like this:

INT. ROADSIDE IHOP – DAY

Jack and Miles sit in a diner. The sexy, young WAITRESS arrives and serves them their food. Jack can’t keep his eyes off her as she leaves the table.

JACK

Fuck man, too early in the morning for that, you know what I mean?

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Instead, Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor wrote the scene like this:

INT. ROADSIDE IHOP – DAY

TWO PLATES OF FOOD float in front of two breasts tucked inside a zippered uniform.

WIDER –

Disheveled and unshaven, Jack and Miles are served breakfast by a young, innocently sexy WAITRESS. Jack leers after her.

JACK

Fuck man, too early in the morning for that, you know what I mean?

*                    *                    *

Notice how strong an image the first line about the two plates of floating food is, and how it draws your attention straight away to the object of Jack’s lust. Zeroing in on specifics can be a great way of starting a scene. It’s a very cinematic technique which gives the impression of watching the film. It also “directs” the camera, without actually using the terms “CLOSE ON” and “WIDE to reveal.”

OK, we know the writers have actually used “WIDER” in this example, but we advise against this. Established writers are not bound by the rules of spec screenplay writing and you should try to avoid using camera direction at all costs.

Next, Jack and Miles are described as “disheveled and unshaven”—phrases that immediately give the reader a great little thumbnail sketch of the state their in. Likewise, the waitress is described as “young and innocently sexy.” The word “Innocently” accentuating her youth, rather than just saying she’s “sexy.” Always try to include these short character sketches in your writing when you can.

Finally ALWAYS avoid cliché. The phrase “can’t keep his eyes off her” is a cliché and doesn’t quite bring to mind Jack’s lust in the way “leers” does.

We hope this has been helpful and in our next post we’ll break down another scene and analyze its scene description. Keep writing!

By “screenwriting style” we’re talking primarily about how you write description. There’s a definite chance to impose your style of writing on dialogue too, but in this post we’re going to concentrate on description because it seems there are many writers out there who pay little or no attention to it.

Your screenwriting style is more important than many think. Often writers are so busy grappling with the dynamics of their story, what page their act breaks are falling on, the inner lives of their characters, they forget to address the most immediate indicator of talent—writing style.

A great, cinematic, visually interesting style serves two major functions:

1. It immediately communicates to your reader that you are at a certain level in your writing. That you haven’t just woken up one day and thought, “I know, I’m going to write a script and sell it for $1,000,000.” From the very first sentence, a reader is able to place where a writer is in terms of ability. As with formatting, a reader knows straight away whether they’re in the hands of an amateur or a professional, and it’s important to try and fall in the latter category! If you can create a great first impression with your script through your writing style, then you’re half way to convincing the reader that this script has potential and is worth reading past page ten.

2. It creates a clear image in the reader’s mind of exactly what you want them to see. Clear, interesting, precise, vivid images help the reader get into the heart of your story. It draws them in by piquing their interest and making them feel they are part of a unique world; an interesting, rich and visually vibrant world. And this of course is exactly what you want.

Why risk telling your story using a bland, uninspired writing style and boring your reader, when you could put a little more effort into it and keep them entertained? In Hollywood you don’t really have a choice. Many production companies have two recommendation boxes at the end of every coverage report—one for the script and the other for the writer. By this they mean execution and style. So, even if your story isn’t exactly firing on all cylinders, with a rocking writing style you could still get hired to do re-write assignments.

In our next post on screenwriting style, we’re going to look at some actual examples from popular screenplays, and how the writers have used style to make the images jump right off the page and into your head. See you then!

OK, so here’s our second part to the blog on the difference between the screenwriting terms Inciting Incident and Call to Action.

As we saw in the last post, the Inciting Incident does not necessarily have to directly involve the protagonist or even be on screen for that matter. The Call to Action on the other hand definitely has to involve the protagonist and be seen on screen. It is just that—a call to action. The beckoning of adventure. The phone ring. The poster. The hologram message from a droid. However the message is delivered, the protagonist has definitely been called into action and their normal, cozy, safe, world comes crashing down around their ears.

It can be a seemingly good thing that’s actually bad, or a seemingly bad thing that’s actually good. The point is, their mind is thrown into turmoil and they are left with a difficult decision to make about what’s just happened. A decision that they’ll make at the Act One Turning Point and have to commit to for the remainder of the film.

While the Inciting Incident often starts a film, heralding a major change in the protagonist’s life, it is the Call to Action that actually kick-starts the story for the protagonist. After the usual, mundane world of the hero has been set up, it is the Call to Action that shakes it up. It also generally ends the first sequence, setting the protagonist on the slippery slope towards the end of Act One,

Let’s take a look at a few examples to help clarify the definition:

The Truman Show

After we see Truman going about his daily life, with his friends, his wife, saying hello to the neighbours and having flashbacks, the event that spins all this on its head and brings nagging doubts about his existence to the surface is when he recognizes his father, dressed as a tramp, on the street. From then on Truman is only going to end the act one way—setting out to try and leave the island.

The Heartbreak Kid

The Inciting Incident in this film occurs around twelve minutes in, and is the moment Eddie saves Lila from being mugged. As in all romantic comedies this is the moment the lovers meet for the first time, the moment the protagonist’s head is put in a spin by the amazing girl / guy they’ve just met. In rom-com terminology it’s also known as the “cute-meet”

Alien

The Inciting Incident in this film is the radio transmission from another moon that the crew are awoken from their slumber to investigate. All seems fairly normal until they actually arrive on the moon and one of the crew is attacked by an alien which bursts out of an egg. All of a sudden this Call to Action spins everything on its head and brings into play a dilemma—should they let the stricken crew member die, or bring him in on-board the ship? The decision they make ultimately leads to the Act One Turning point and the action over the course of the film.

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So, we hope that’s cleared things up a little regarding these two screenwriting terms. Be sure to check back soon for our next post!

Today we’re going to take a look at the some of the confusion surrounding the screenwriting terms Inciting Incident and Call to Action moments in a script. Are they the same thing? If not, how do they differ? Although the actual terms don’t really matter and many books / gurus use different ones, (catalyst, point of attack etc.) it’s important to be clear on that they are two different points in a script with different functions.

So, let’s start by taking a look at the Inciting Incident, and in the next post we’ll tackle the Call to Action.

The Inciting Incident

This is the moment without which there would be no film. It doesn’t necessarily have to involve the protagonist—they could be completely oblivious of it when it happens—but it’s the moment that kick starts a chain of events sucking them into the story. It is also often the first scene in a film. Let’s take a look at some examples:

Basic Instinct

At the beginning of the film we see Catherine murder a man in bed. This is the Inciting Incident because it’s the moment in the film without which there would be no story. If Catherine hadn’t murdered him she wouldn’t end up being investigated by Nick and he wouldn’t have fallen for her, and so on. Nick is completely unaware of this event when it happens but it’s still the moment that kick-starts the story.

Mean Girls

Sometimes the protagonist is well aware of the Inciting Incident as in this case. In the first scene of the film, Kady describes in voice-over how she has moved back to the States with her parents after twelve years in Africa. Moving back home is, of course, the catalyst to enrolling at that particular school, meeting those particular girls and to the whole story.

In this case, and many others, the Inciting Incident represents a major change in the protagonist’s life, of which they can be aware or unaware at the time. Leaving college, as in The Graduate, or moving to Earth as in Bewitched.

Sideways

In some cases the Inciting Incident happens off-screen before the film even starts. In Sideways, the Inciting Incident is Miles and Jack’s decision to go on the wine tour, but we don’t see this conversation and are thrown into the ride the day of their departure. Nevertheless, it still proves to be the one moment without which there wouldn’t be a film and a major turning point in both of their lives.

Be sure to check back for our upcoming post on another misused screewriting term: the Call to Action.

Here’s one of the most important screenwriting tips you’ll ever hear: the key to dynamic screenwriting is utilizing the element of surprise. Shocks and surprises are some of the most effective weapons in the screenwriter’s armoury, and should be used not only at the big act turning points but in the smaller scenes also.

Surprises occur when the writer chooses not to reveal certain information, usually about what one of the characters in the scene is really thinking. Everything seems to be going in one direction, but then suddenly a character will do an abrupt twist and we’re off in the opposite direction. So, in order to master the element of surprise, it’s important to know when to reveal what information.

Contrast is another important factor in making things more surprising. You need to think, “How can the before and after the surprise be as different as possible?”

The easiest way to explain this is by taking a look at a couple of scenes which utilize contrast and surprise to great effect.

Pulp Fiction

The opening scene of Pulp Fiction is two people sitting in a diner talking, but minutes later the conversation turns to robbery and they jump out of their seats with loaded guns. In other words, there’s a strong contrast between their stationary poses / seemingly innocent conversation, and their pulling out guns, which surprises the viewer.

Let’s see what happens when the writer chooses to reveal too much information. Tarantino could quite easily have written the scene with the two criminals walking along the street, discussing which diner to rob. Then, they spot one, and burst in with guns drawn. Which is the more interesting version?

Lethal Weapon

Re-watch the scene in which Riggs goes out on the ledge of a high rise to talk down a guy who wants to commit suicide. After Riggs talks with him a short while, he snaps handcuffs on his wrists and jumps. Shane Black uses the scene to exemplify Rigg’s character—he’s volatile, capricious, and not afraid to die. By making him suddenly jump off the building with the guy, he’s showing all these qualities at once through surprise.

Imagine if Black had written the scene like this: Riggs goes out on the ledge dangling a pair of handcuffs. He persuades the guy to put them on and they jump. Same result—Riggs has shown he’s a bit of a nutcase, but the effect is lost by revealing too much information all at once, rather than surprising the viewer with action.

So, remember to keep your cards close to your chest at all times and it’ll be easier to surprise the audience with the twists and turns they love.

Don’t worry, we’re not talking gymnastics. We’re talking about your hero’s inner change. We all know that (in most genres) your protagonist needs to change during the course of the script, but just how much does yours?

Are they the jealous type at the beginning and by the end they’re a little less jealous? Well, changing just a little isn’t enough. They need to do a complete 180 flip.

Basically, whoever your hero thinks they are at the beginning of the script, they need to think the exact opposite at the end. Without a complete “turned on its head” transformation in the hero, the audience will feel let down. If the hero has barely been affected by his / her ordeal, how are the audience supposed to be?

In order to make this emotional impact and 180 change in the hero really hit home, it’s important to remember a couple of points:

1. The change needs to be demonstrated verbally.

At the beginning of Woody Allen’s Bullets Over Broadway, the first line David (John Cusack) says in the film is, “I’m an artist!”  Then, through the course of the film he learns the truth about the limitations of his own talent, and the last line he says is, “I’m not an artist.”

Of course, the first and last lines your hero says don’t have to be exact opposites, as in this example, but it nicely illustrates the point—your protagonist has to directly tell another character (and us) what they’ve discovered about themselves. There’s no room for ambiguity; it needs to be said, and it needs to be clear.

2. The change needs to be demonstated visually.

In Reservation Road, Ethan (Joaquin Phoenix) spends the entire movie obsessed with discovering the identity and killing the driver who killed his son in a hit and run. When he discovers it’s a neighbour, Dwight, (Mark Ruffalo) he kidnaps him, but then can’t pull the trigger. In other words, he demonstrates through, not just words, but action how he’s changed.

In Along Came Polly, Ruben (Ben Stiller) starts the film as an uptight individual, petrified of the slightest risk, but through his relationship with the free-spirited Polly (Jennifer Aniston) his character does a 180 flip. At the climax, not only does he tell her how he’s changed, he eats a nut off the street. Something he would’ve found unthinkable at the beginning of the film.

These kind of verbal and visual clues are vital. They demonstrate the theme of your film (more on this in another post) and clearly indicate how your protagonist has changed emotionally, thus giving the audience a chance to react emotionally also.

OK, so we’ve looked at how every scene in your screenplay should have a protagonist with a goal and an antagonist who wants to stop them achieving it.

Every scene should also have an overall and a specific goal. The overall goal is the protagonist’s intention throughout the script; the goal they want to achieve by its end. The specific goal is what they have to achieve in each individual scene in order to get one step closer to the overall goal.

As an example, let’s take a look at the Dog Resuscitation Scene in There’s Something About Mary.

This is the scene in which Healy (Matt Dillon) turns up at Mary’s place for a date.

Healy’s overall goal is clearly to win Mary. When the scene starts, it’s just been established in a conversation between Mary and Magda that Puffy will have a big say in Mary’s attitude towards Healy depending on its reaction. Healy then arrives at Mary’s door to find Puffy growling at him. This is a great set-up for the scene as it clearly establishes the following dynamics:

Protagonist—HEALY

Overall Goal—to impress Mary

Antagonist—PUFFY

Goal—to stop HEALY entering

Healy slips the dog some Valium, making it putty in his hands. Inside, Mary’s impressed, but then at the “Act One” turning point of the scene, Mary and Magda leave the room and the dog fails to wake up.

This is where Healy’s specific scene goal is established—to resuscitate Puffy. The conflict is driven by the fact that if he’s killed the dog, he’s also killed all hope of getting together with Mary.

In other words, it’s the overall goal that gives the scene its tension. If Healy and Mary were taking a walk in the park and he tries to revive a random dog in order to show off to her, they’d be less at stake and less tension. He’d still be trying to win Mary, but as it’s not her dog there would be no threat of failure and possible death of the relationship.

So, at the first turning point in the scene, the dynamic shifts to:

Protagonist—HEALY

Overall Goal—to resuscitate PUFFY

Antagonist—PUFFY

Goal—none

Re-read the scene and notice how Healy goes through a series of desperately escalating measures to try and revive the dog. At first he shakes it. Then he performs CPR. Then, finally, he tries electric shock treatment using the wires from a couple of table lamps. (The magic “number three” rule of comedy. More on this in a later post.)

The act two “All Is Lost” moment occurs when he sets Puffy on fire, but a vase of water thrown over the pooch brings it back from the dead.

So, at the scene’s climax, Healy has saved himself—Puffy’s OK again and his relationship with Mary is back on track. This is how all good scenes are constructed, and it’s only possible by establishing both a clear overall and specific goal for the scene’s protagonist.

Goals, goals, goals. They’re what makes a screenplay tick. Without goals, a script feels aimless, lifeless and ultimately not worth reading. And that goes not just for the protagonist’s overall goal that they have to accomplish by the screenplay’s end, but for every individual scene.

It is important not to forget that every scene in your script (except maybe transitional or denouement scenes) should have a strong goal.

Just like the overall goal, act goal, or sequence goal, scene goals are important because they are the foundation of conflict. Once your protagonist has a goal in a scene, it’s only natural to give him an antagonist who wants the exact opposite. And there you have your conflict and exciting “page turner” scenes that will drive your screenplay forward.

Over the next couple of posts we’re going to take a look at some actual scenes from popular films and analyze their goals. You’ll see that even when characters appear to be just randomly chatting, there is a goal, a protagonist and an antagonist at work beneath the surface.

So, let’s get started with the master of goal driven ordinary conversations—Quentin Tarantino.

Reservoir Dogs — The Tipping Scene

Right at the start of the film, the eight Dogs are sat in a café. Meal over, they all throw down a tip, except for Mr. Pink…

Protagonist—NICE GUY EDDIE

Goal—to get MR. PINK to tip

Antagonist—MR. PINK

Goal—not to tip

NICE GUY EDDIE: Okay, everybody cough up green for the little lady.

Everybody whips out a buck, and throws it on the table. Everybody, that is, except Mr. Pink.

NICE GUY EDDIE: C’mon, throw in a buck.

MR. PINK: Uh, uh. I don’t tip.

NICE GUY EDDIE: You don’t tip?

MR. PINK: I don’t believe in it.

NICE GUY EDDIE: You don’t believe in tipping?

MR. BLUE: Do you have any idea what these chicks make? They make shit.

MR. PINK: Don’t give me that. She don’t make enough money, she can quit.

Everybody laughs.

NICE GUY EDDIE: I don’t even know a Jew who’d have the balls to say that. So let’s get this straight. You never ever tip?

MR. PINK: I don’t tip because society says I gotta. I tip when somebody deserves a tip. When somebody really puts forth an effort, they deserve a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, that shit’s for the birds. As far as I’m concerned, they’re just doin their job.

MR. BLUE: Our girl was nice.

MR. PINK: She was okay. She didn’t do anything special.

MR. BLUE: What’s something special, take ya in the back and suck your dick?

They all laugh.

NICE GUY EDDIE: I’d go over twelve percent for that.

And so on, until Joe returns to the table and forces Mr. Pink to throw in a buck. Go back and read the scene in full and you’ll see that it follows the exact conventions of three act structure based on the goal of getting Mr. Pink to tip. Then, go back and look at every scene in your script. Is there a protagonist? (not necessarily the hero of the film) Do they have a goal? Is there an antagonist who wants the exact opposite to that goal?

In our next post on scene goals we’ll break down a scene from There’s Something About Mary.

Film, as we all know, is an image driven medium, and yet it is surprising how many scripts we receive that fail to take this fully into account. The old chestnut of “Show don’t tell” is one of the most repeated phrases in screenwriting books, classes and seminars, and yet many aspiring writers still fail to put it into practice.

This results in a reliance on dialogue and is one of the worst things that can happen to a script. Pages and pages of characters talking about things rather than actually doing them. Without a full grasp of the concept of “Show don’t tell,” characters ends up talking about emotions or events when in fact we should be seeing them act them out.

In the long run, a writer spends hours honing that great speech, when in fact it could be completely cut out and replaced with a single line of action.

So, for this blog we thought we’d run through a few examples of what is commonly written in any given scene, followed by what should be written using the old adage of “Show don’t tell.”

Example 1

Instead of having a character say, “Mike never gets up until at least midday.”

Write a previous scene showing Mike falling out of bed in the middle of the day. Then we already know this information so it doesn’t have to be repeated by another character.

Example 2

Instead of writing, “Clare stares at Jim. She’s so angry she could burst.”

Write, “Clare kicks Jim hard on the shin and walks away.” This action alone says a million times more about Clare’s character as well as the fact that she’s angry.

Example 3

Instead of writing, “Tom walks confidently into the hotel, a mischievous smile on his face.”

Write, “Tom breezes into the hotel, snatching a drink from the tray of a waiter as he passes.”

Overall, it’s all about coming up with detailed images that convey a character’s mood, emotion and personality through action rather than dialogue or bland description.

Think about the dialogue in your script and how a line could instead be turned into a small scene, and think about your description and how it can be enhanced by using vivid imagery. Hope this helped and keep writing!

Generating an original, marketable, and exciting script idea can be tough to say the least. It is also one of the most important parts to the whole process of writing a screenplay as whatever you choose you’re going to have to commit months of your precious time to. The last thing you want is to start writing only to realize half way through that the idea itself isn’t good enough.

But how do you know you’ve hit upon a great idea for a screenplay? Here’s our top three indicators that your script idea rocks and is worth developing into a screenplay.

1. It’s Simple

The main conflict is clear. The simpler the better. The main protagonist and antagonist are easily identifiable. The protagonist has a clear goal and the antagonist has a clear goal, usually in direct opposition to the protagonist’s. For example, Indy wants the Ark, the Nazis want the Ark. And if Indy doesn’t stop them the world is doomed.

Is the idea simple enough to be distilled down to a one or two sentence log-line? If you can’t sum up what the conflict’s about in a couple of lines, chances are it’s too muddled and needs simplifying.

2. It’s Original

No idea is ever going to be completely original, but there has to be something about the conflict that marks it out as different in some way. Have you ever seen a film about three guys who revisit a vacation resort they frequented as teenagers only to get magically sent back to the 80’s after taking a dip in the hot tub? OK, so Hot Tub Time Machine isn’t the greatest film in the world, but it got sold and it got made; and the primary reason is the originality of the concept.

When coming up with ideas, ask yourself, “Is this an idea that’s never been done before?” “Have I taken a well worn genre and added a different spin on it?” “What’s fresh and exciting about this idea?”

Overall, the key to coming up with an original idea is avoiding cliché. If it’s been done before, or is very similar to another film, you’ll need to rethink the premise. Only spec scripts with fresh ideas behind them get purchased.

3. It has high stakes attached

OK, so you’ve got a clear and original conflict, but what’s at stake? The failure to create a goal for the hero that generates a gripping conflict with high stakes attached is one of the primary reasons we pass on a script.

As we’ve mentioned in previous posts, all good films have high stakes attached; usually because they are in some way about death. Either literal death, or figurative death as in the death of a relationship or the death of the protagonist’s inner self. Blake Snyder in his book Save the Cat urges writers to go for primal urges when thinking about creating a goal for your protagonist—sex, fear of death, love, survival etc.

This is vital because without a compelling conflict the reader will soon lose interest. Ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that could happen to my hero?” and you’ll be some way to creating a compelling concept with high stakes.

So, these three key indicators should all be present in your script idea / logline / concept if you want to write a winning script. If your idea is just “OK” but not amazing, the best thing you can do is keep refining it using these three indicators. Good luck!