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In this post we’re going to take a look at How Not to Write a Screenplay. Having read a lot of screenplays over the years, we’re pretty good at spotting the bad ones. Quickly. Basically, it’s all there from the get-go. On page one. A reader knows within the first page, heck the first few lines, whether someone can write. But, as far as story goes, you really, really need to be captivating the reader by the end of Act One.

Below are our top ten indicators a script is heading for a “Pass” rather than a “Recommend.” Avoid them at all costs!

1. Plot—we’re introduced to the protagonist and their world. Great. But then they don’t actually do anything of significance. They’re not active but re-active—responding (sometimes) to events rather than causing them. Sometimes this continues well past page 25, by which time any production company or studio reader will have long since given up.

2. Scenes—a problem related to the above is the inclusion of unnecessary scenes. Characters meet, chat and part with little or no development to the story. Nothing changes within the scene which causes the next scene, meaning it’s essentially been a waste of two pages.

3. Scene Description—so, a reader opens your script and straight away sees… big chunks of scene description, four, five, six lines long. Upon closer inspection it’s revealed the writing is bland, clichéd, confusing, drifts in and out the present tense and contains embedded information. Even if your script contains only one of these elements, get rid of it!

4. Dialogue—as with scene description, over-writing is a massive no-go area. When a reader opens a script to see long passages of dialogue, (and by long we mean anything over 3 lines) they shudder. Furthermore, clichéd, “on the nose” dialogue with no subtext is an immediate indicator the writer’s probably not going to deliver an outstanding script.

5. Formatting / Grammar—you may be tired of hearing this because essentially it’s all about the story, right? But the truth is, nothing turns a reader off more than incorrectly formatted sluglines and typos. It just shows a lack of craft and sloppy workmanship. Grab a copy of The Screenwriter’s Bible and a good dictionary and refer back to them constantly.

So, there you have it. Keep all the above out of your screenplays and you’ll automatically place yourself in the top rather than bottom half of aspiring screenwriters.

In the second of our posts on improving your screenwriting style we’re going to take a look at a few examples from popular screenplays. We’re going to take a scene from a famous film, write an “uninspired” version of the scene description, followed by the actual scene description in the screenplay. Seeing both side by side really helps see the difference in flat, uninspired writing and image-driven professional writing.

So, let’s get started with an example from one of our favorite films, Sideways.

A less skilled writer would write the following scene like this:

INT. ROADSIDE IHOP – DAY

Jack and Miles sit in a diner. The sexy, young WAITRESS arrives and serves them their food. Jack can’t keep his eyes off her as she leaves the table.

JACK

Fuck man, too early in the morning for that, you know what I mean?

*                    *                    *

Instead, Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor wrote the scene like this:

INT. ROADSIDE IHOP – DAY

TWO PLATES OF FOOD float in front of two breasts tucked inside a zippered uniform.

WIDER –

Disheveled and unshaven, Jack and Miles are served breakfast by a young, innocently sexy WAITRESS. Jack leers after her.

JACK

Fuck man, too early in the morning for that, you know what I mean?

*                    *                    *

Notice how strong an image the first line about the two plates of floating food is, and how it draws your attention straight away to the object of Jack’s lust. Zeroing in on specifics can be a great way of starting a scene. It’s a very cinematic technique which gives the impression of watching the film. It also “directs” the camera, without actually using the terms “CLOSE ON” and “WIDE to reveal.”

OK, we know the writers have actually used “WIDER” in this example, but we advise against this. Established writers are not bound by the rules of spec screenplay writing and you should try to avoid using camera direction at all costs.

Next, Jack and Miles are described as “disheveled and unshaven”—phrases that immediately give the reader a great little thumbnail sketch of the state their in. Likewise, the waitress is described as “young and innocently sexy.” The word “Innocently” accentuating her youth, rather than just saying she’s “sexy.” Always try to include these short character sketches in your writing when you can.

Finally ALWAYS avoid cliché. The phrase “can’t keep his eyes off her” is a cliché and doesn’t quite bring to mind Jack’s lust in the way “leers” does.

We hope this has been helpful and in our next post we’ll break down another scene and analyze its scene description. Keep writing!