Writing Description – Top 5 Don’ts
In this post we’re going to talk about the main bug bears we encounter with scene descriptions. No more introductions needed, let’s get to it!
Clichéd / Prosaic Writing: Try to eliminate the words “is” and “we,” as in, “We can see the dog is happy to see him.” Aim to make your writing as powerful as possible with choice evocative images.
Instead of writing, “The BAND, early twenties, are setting up on the small stage. The LEAD SINGER, (21) looks a little spooky and the crowd watches them suspiciously.”
Write something like this: “A group of skinny INDIE ROCK BOYS are setting up their equipment on a pathetically tiny stage—it’s more like a dais. The LEAD SINGER has intense, spooky eyes, nearly obscured by a shock of hair. The LOCALS, mostly good ‘ol boys, eye the band suspiciously.”
Embedded Information: “Jeff shakes Bill’s hand, remembering how he used to beat the crap out of him in high-school.” Or, “Eddie and Jane pull up outside the diner—the same place they had their first date when they were kids.”
It sounds obvious, but you should only write what can be seen on the screen. Remember to think visually and never write what’s going on in a character’s head. Of course, sometimes professional writers DO add little asides to their scripts (made hip by Shane Black) but they’re professionals and can get away with it.
The Past Tense: It’s easy to slip into the past tense occasionally but should be avoided at all costs. “Kate ran over to the door and locked it.” Keep things in the present and keep them moving with active verbs. Also, avoid phrases that mix past and present tenses, like, “Having climbed into the car, Harry pulls out a gun.”
Confusing Description: The following is the opening scene to a script we received. Can you easily follow what’s going on? Scripts should be as easy to read as possible. (Especially the opening scene!)
INT. BEDROOM, COOPER RESIDENCE – DAY
“The Iron chef” airs on The Food Channel. THE JAPANESE HOST, an Asian Liberace, is about to reveal the mystery food for the show:..”Eel!” TWO CHEFS go about preparing the slippery food. CLICK.
Animal Planet, A TRAINER signs to an ORANGUTAN in an effort to communicate with the animal. CLICK.
The Learning Channel, BOB VILA is renovating a house.
TRISTAN (O.S.)
Happy Birthday to you…
CONNIE COOPER (35), disheveled and slightly plump lies curled up in the blankets, watching TV and not wanting to face the day.
She flips the channel back to THE ORANGUTAN. CLICK.
THE DOOR CREEPS OPEN and a five year old, tiara crowned princess, TRISTAN COOPER, comes in carrying a breakfast tray of pancakes with A CANDLE stuck on top.
SPENCER COOPER (40) the poster boy for the ideal husband, follows her in, carrying gifts.
Tristan sets the tray down on the cluttered night stand and hands her A CARD that has the NUMBER “35” on the cover. CONNIE squints at the offending number. Connie forces a smile.
Over writing: Last, but definitely not least, comes writing too much description. Lines and lines of prose which are more at home in a novel than a screenplay. Again, keep it lean, keep it clean, keep it simple.
Writing action without dialogue is definitely an art in itself and the best way to get better at it is by reading scripts. See our blog Read Screenplays for more advice.
