Screenplay scene description: why is it so important?
Often screenwriters are so busy grappling with the dynamics of their story—what their protagonist wants, what pages their act breaks are falling on, etc.—they forget to address the most immediate indicator of talent: writing style.
Great screenplay scene description immediately communicates to your reader that your writing is at a certain level. That you haven’t just woken up one day and thought “I’m going to write a script and sell it for one million dollars.”
From the very first sentence, a reader is able to place where a writer is in terms of ability. So what you need to do is show right away that you’re someone who’s studied the craft and knows how to write first-class scene description.
But before we get started with the amateur vs. pro screenwriters’ writing styles…
Just what makes great screenplay scene description?
One of the main aspects of great script description is its ability to put clear images in the reader’s mind. To make them see exactly what the writer wants them to see.
Clear, interesting, precise, vivid images help the reader fall deeper into the heart of the story. They draw them in by piquing their interest and making them feel they are part of a unique world.
Why risk telling your story using a bland, uninspired writing style and boring your reader, when you could put a little more effort in, keep them entertained and involved in your story?
In fact, there’s so much competition out there, you don’t really have a choice. Many production companies have two recommendation boxes at the end of every coverage report: one for the script and the other for the writer.
By this, they mean execution and style. So, even if your story isn’t exactly firing on all cylinders, but possesses a rocking writing style, you could still get hired for a rewrite.
So, let’s get started with comparing some examples of amateur and pro screenplay scene descriptions.
Screenplay scene description: Amateur vs. pro versions.
Seeing average and excellent example of scene descriptions in a script, side by side can really help writers see the difference between them and where they’re going wrong.
Whiplash (amateur version).
Here’s how a newbie writer might set up this scene in Whiplash in which Andrew gets a cymbal thrown at his head by Fletcher.
Whiplash (pro version).
Let’s take a look at what Damien Chazelle actually wrote the scene:
What’s the main difference between these two descriptions of the same scene?
The first just feels lazy, like not much thought has been put into it. The writer is not overly concerned about creating emotion on the page and making us feel what Andrew’s feeling.
The second, on the other hand, goes to great length to put us in Andrew’s headspace. It takes its time building up the mood and tension before Fletcher enters the scene.
In Chazelle’s version, Andrew walks in, slowly. Eyes the DRUMS. This brings to our attention straight away just how nervous Andrew is. But without stating it explicitly. It’s all there in the choice of words. We can see him eye the drums and know exactly what he’s thinking.
Some so-called screenwriting gurus will tell you never to use camera angles. While it’s true you shouldn’t overuse them, a judicious line like “WE MOVE IN CLOSER ON HIM” can really help give the impression that we’re watching a movie.
It puts in our mind how the camera moves slowly toward him, accentuating the tension, which can only be a good thing.
Sideways (amateur version).
A less skilled writer might start the following scene in which Miles and Jack eat breakfast in a diner, something like this:
Sideways (pro version).
Instead, Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor started the scene like this:
Notice how strong the image in the first line about the two plates of floating food is—how it draws your attention straight away to the object of Jack’s lust.
Zeroing in on specifics in your description of a scene can be a great way of kicking it off. It’s a very cinematic technique which gives the impression of watching the film.
Next, Jack and Miles are described as “disheveled and unshaven.” These phrases immediately give the reader a great little thumbnail sketch of the state these guys are in.
Likewise, the waitress is described as “young and innocently sexy.” The word “Innocently” accentuating her youth, rather than just saying she’s “sexy.” Always try to include these kinds of short character sketches in your screenplay’s scene description.
Finally, always try to avoid clichés. The phrase “eyes widen” is one that appears in 90 percent of spec scripts. Not only that, but it doesn’t quite bring to mind Jack’s lust in the way “leers” does.
The Virgin Suicides (amateur version).
Again, we’re going to write an “uninspired” version of the screenplay scene description, followed by the actual description in the screenplay.
A less-skilled writer might open the following scene like this:
The Virgin Suicides (pro version).
Instead, Sofia Coppola wrote the scene like this:
As in the Sideways example, in this piece of script scene description, Coppola “directs” the viewer with her words.
The description starts with “The neighborhood boys are gathered around PAUL BALDINO.”
This implies a WIDE SHOT of the boys listening to Paul. Then, we focus on Paul himself with his thumbnail character sketch. Then, a CLOSE UP of his pinky ring catching the sunlight as he talks. Finally, we are back on the boys as they continue to listen.
Also, notice her choice of words. The line “Paul, who at 14, is a junior version of his gangster father, with dark pit-bull circles under his eyes, and wide hips,” brilliantly sums up his character in an instant.
With the allusion to his “gangster father,” we know exactly where this kid’s coming from. And notice Coppola’s choice of words when describing the boys. “Gathered” suggests attentiveness, and in the final line, with the word “intensely” we can practically see their faces full of concentration.
Screenplay scene description conclusion.
We hope this has been helpful and that it has inspired your own screenplay scene description. And remember: one of THE best ways to improve your screenplay scene description is to simply read screenplays. As many as you can.
We have a post here of 50 of the Best Scripts to Download and Read in Every Genre which contains these scripts and many more for you to get started.
Liked this post? Read more on screenplay scene description and how to improve your writing style…
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